omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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