At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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