made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
