She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
