absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
