Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
