Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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