Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
