you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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