My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
