I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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