I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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