drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
