Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
