you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
