that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
