And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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