You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
