I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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