I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
