i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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