Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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