He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
