David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
