id be glad to
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We need to get me chipped asap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
