Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
