youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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