In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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