I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
