If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
