how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
