The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
