Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
