When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
