Can i not drive my cunt home
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize