why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
