so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
