tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
