Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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