I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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