i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
