I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
