Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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