Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
