Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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