I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
