She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
