Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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