I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you win again, gameday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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