This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
