Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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