Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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