On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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