If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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