I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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