Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
