Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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