I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
