Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
