Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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