If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize