I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
