bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You made out with two different species that night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
