ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
