We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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