if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
