Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
