Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
