just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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