thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
