I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize