Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
