It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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