there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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