you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
