And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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