dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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