You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
