I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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