My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
