Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
