It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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