If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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