i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
