dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
