Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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