found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
