hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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