yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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