I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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