the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
