also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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