What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
