This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
