how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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