You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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