Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
