u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
