last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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