So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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