He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
