I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
