so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
