youre lurking in front of me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize